I Want Some of That For Myself






Do you know what I love? I love hearing people's stories. Why? Because we have so much to learn from each other. To walk life's journey with others is one of the greatest gifts we are given. We have so much to learn from each other. When it comes to our grief journey and I am at a spot where I am so discouraged, so broken, and feel a bit of hopelessness, I think of those who have gone before us and are walking the journey of losing a child five, ten, twenty or thirty years into the journey. I see their trust and their hope. I see their mourning and their joy. I see God's goodness and mercy and I think to myself, I want some of that for myself. Does it mean their lives are perfect and they are free of grief? Absolutely not, but they have made a choice to place their confidence and trust in God.

In Psalm 62 David, the Psalmist wants to share with all people that we can place our confidence in God. He will not fail us. We can trust Him and find our refuge in Him.  He himself has experienced this and wants to share this amazing experience with everyone. It's almost as though he is daring us to just give it a try. God won't fail us. That's how I feel about this grief journey. Yes, it's been incredibly difficult, but oh what comfort we have because of the goodness and mercy of God. We see this through the examples of others who have walked this journey and we see this in our own journey. No, it's not all roses. Not at all. It is really, really, difficult, but so beautiful with God on our side. Does it take away the struggle with fear I have? No, I still have to work hard at the whole trust thing. How do trust that nothing bad will happen to Olivia? What if her cold mutates into IGAS in the night and she's taken from us too? What if she gets hurt at school? How do I get rid of this feeling of always being on guard? The questions bombard my mind all the time.

We live in a broken world, and just because we have faith in God, doesn't mean that we are exempt from hardship and heartache. To truly trust in Him at all times? To pour out my heart to Him who allowed these bad things to happen? It's rather trust shattering, isn't it? But I look at David's exhortation in Psalm 62 and I look at all the people I know who have placed their confidence and trust in God even when/especially when things are hard and they don't understand 'why' and I think to myself, I want some of that for myself. I want to be one of those people who trust even when things are really hard.

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