living in the moment

Grief and depression can be a lonely place, yet it is so important to surround yourself with people. I am, by nature, an introvert. Not painfully so, but I like my alone time. Solitude rejuvenates me.  I get exhausted being with a large number of people. People often describe me as quiet and hard to get to know, when really, I am very self-aware and learn by watching. This is not to say I am shy. Shyness is a fear of people or social situations where as being introverted people appreciate being around people but find 'small talk' tedious. I like to get into the nitty gritty, deep, meaningful conversations. To be in a crowd of people making small talk is difficult, but finding a corner in that busy room and talking about heart matters rejuvenates me.

So, how do you deal with grief and depression when you're an introvert and you need people around you? And even thinking about extroverts, like Jason. In the past two years he's become more of an introvert too. We sometime…

One of the symptoms that seems to haunt me in this grief journey is physical pain. Sounds weird, doesn't it? That grief and depression can cause physical pain? Psychosomatic symptoms have become ever so real to me these past two years.

Immediately after Mikail passed away my heart began to physically ache with the weight that was on it. That made sense to me. My heart was broken. What didn't make sense to me was that my arms ached. They were so heavy and hurt so incredibly much. I soon discovered that I was aching to hold our son. My arms were empty and the emptiness was physically painful. This pain continued on for a long time until Jason's aunt who is a Trager Practitioner brought her massage table and began gentle body work. As she came to my arms and worked on them, my tears started (not from pain, but from emotional release) and as they flowed and flowed, my arms began to release and feel lighter. It was an amazing moment of healing and physical release of pain, that…

Over a month ago I started a blog series entitled Grief, Depression & Sharing the Tools I need Daily. I had great intentions of writing all five entries in the series at one time and scheduling them to post weekly.  Well, things happen. Life happens. But one thing that didn't change is this next tool that is integral in every season of life for me:

Quiet Time.

Everyone's quiet time with God will look different. My quiet time with God looks very different in different seasons of life. Sometimes I can sit and just 'be' in God's presence and feel so close to Him. Other times I listen to music, podcasts, or audio books. There are times where I follow a scripture reading plan that is topical, having to do with something I am going through in that particular season. Other times I know that I cannot concentrate enough to simply read a scripture passage and keep my mind on it, so I follow a scripture writing plan where I copy, word for word, the passage out of the Bib…