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Showing posts from June, 2016

Everything is perfect...until it isn't

This was our last chance, our miracle waiting to happen.

Everything was perfect...until it wasn’t.

Until that dreaded ultrasound where these words are spoken:
A miscarriage is imminent. We are so very sorry.

Sorry? Imminent? How imminent. Like today? Tomorrow?

It will happen when your body is ready. 

So, there’s time for God to do a miracle? Please God, a miracle. We need a miracle.

Yet the quiet whisper of Thy will be done fills my heart. I want to question it. How could a beautiful baby not be His will for us? Yet, I hear the whisper again, Thy will be done...

It will happen when your body is ready. Ready? How can you ever be ready for a miscarriage? Apparently my body is ready seven days later. But my heart will never be ready to let go of this beautiful baby; this glimpse of hope in a span of two years where we’ve had little hope to hang on to.

The physical pain is numb compared to the pain of heartbreak shattering my soul. Miscarriage and ectopic pregnancies are often a silent los…

Our plan for more than surviving summer holidays

Summer Holidays have started for us and already the "What can I do?", "I'm bored!", and complaining about doing daily responsibilities has started. Kids love the routine of school and although I like a bit of a lax feeling in summer, some routine is necessary.  So, I went into teacher mode and put a few things into place:
#1 Chore Chart I've revised our old chart to add a few more age appropriate responsibilities, as well as a sticker chart to go with it. Olivia's always been pretty motivated by her chore chart and is loving the addition of a sticker chart:

#2 The 'I'm Bored' Cheat Sheets
I've made up three pictorial sheets of ideas of things Olivia can do when she's bored:
Ideas for inside (independent)

Ideas for outside (independent)

Ideas of things we can do together (special outings):

3. Behaviour Chart Olivia's a good kid, a normal kid, so that means with the cute, fun, spunkiness that's her, also comes some whining and complaini…

Grief Changes Over Time

Over time grief changes. It doesn't go away. Lexi Behrndt of Scribbles and Crumbs says it so well:

That's exactly where my heart is at these days. The grief isn't as fierce, but it doesn't mean that I don't miss Mikail any less. He is truly 'the undercurrent of my days'. It's as though I am getting used to this new person that I have been forced to become.

With Olivia, we have entered a new stage, it seems. It hit me the other day that I have absolutely no idea what she is going through. I think I've always lump summed her into our grief of losing Mikail, but recently it hit me that her loss is completely different and I can't understand it. How could I? I have never lost a sibling. I have never grieved the loss of my closest childhood companion. As a child I didn't go through the traumatic experience of my parents finding my sibling not breathing. When this realization came, I felt like I had been hit by a ton of bricks. How do we support h…