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Showing posts from April, 2016

Simple things from the past, bring simple joy to the present

I've always had a big pull towards antique and vintage finds and if an items happens to come from mine or Jason's family, it has an extra special meaning to me.

In February I was 'home' for a visit and Auntie Viola and Uncle Marvin came for lunch one day. She brought with her, 7 flour sack tea towels that were liquid embroidered by my great grandmother. Auntie Viola wondered if I would have any use for these. Would I ever!! They would be perfect to use to cover my dough bowl and rising buns and bread when I make bread for our family.

A truly treasured gift, being used in our kitchen on a weekly basis:

A beautiful addition to the aprons I have that were my grandma's:

It doesn't get better than gingham, lace, and shirring, does it?

A line drawn in the sand...

Loss forever marks a line in the sand. 
A line dividing life into before and after.
The challenge is to learn to live life after again.
This is a daily choice--to live life fully.

Surrounded by Hope

I blogged about my 'one word' earlier this year. The one word I've chosen to focus on in all aspects of life: HOPE. A good word for me for 2016. Over the months, bits of visual reminders have found their way into our home:

Did you choose a word for yourself for 2016? What was it? Is your word making its way into your home as well?

In HIS Image...Not Anyone Elses

Sometimes we all feel insignificant.

Perhaps not 'good enough'--because someone has told us this lie--because we have told ourselves this lie.

Sometimes we allow the word 'only' to define us.

Sometimes the onlys scream at us silently in our minds:

You only have one child?

You're only the daughter-in-law/son-in-law.

You're only single?

You only work part time?

You only stay at home with your kid(s)?

You only volunteer at one place?

You only have that much money in your bank account?

You only have THAT job?

Sometimes we need to let go of the accusations and judgements of others. Turn the insanity of it all off. Sometimes we need to let go of our own accusations, just so that we can breathe again without wondering if the rush of panic is going to accost our bodies one more time, leaving us paralyzed to do anything at all. Sometimes we give everything of ourselves and then it all comes crashing down with one thoughtless comment and we allow that comment to define…

When I am weak, You Make me Strong

I love you, Lord, my strength The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,  my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:1-2
I think everyone, from time to time, feels weak. You may wake up and look at your day and think I don't think I can do it today. Sometimes I hear people say I don't want to 'adult' today. It feels like it takes too much to get through the day. We've all been there.
I am finding that grief accentuates the feelings and emotions that we had before tragedy struck. I find that my patience is less and my anger is more--not in relation to grief, but in relation to every day life, and the filter that was in place before is more difficult to use. The work of grief is exhausting and so the things I enjoyed doing before, wear me out more quickly than ever before. So, impatience, anger, exhaustion can easily feel like they defeat us and we are left worn out and empty. It's very discour…

Letters from Heaven

This past Christmas, Olivia received the most lovely imaginary play post office from her very creative Tia. She has been busy delivering letters, and of course we have to 'read' the letters that have been 'written to us'. It's been a challenge to keep the creativity going, but it's kind of fun.

Usually the letters are from friends or family, but lately she's been delivering letters from Mikail in heaven. It's been interesting to hear what it is that she wants to hear from him. Today, out of curiosity, we asked her if these are real letters from Mikail and she rolled her eyes (3 going on 13, anyone?) and said NO! We are pretend playing. They are pretend letters from Mikail in heaven. It's just for fun! Phew! We are safe on that one, yet thankful that she is able to and finds healing in including her brother in her play.

I miss those people...

This picture is framed in our bedroom. A 2007 'selfie' (were selfies around then already?) taken shortly after we started dating. Jason was looking at it a while ago and said I miss those people. There are few in our lives now who knew these two people. I knew exactly what he meant. We've changed since that photo was taken 9 years ago (not talking about the addition of grey hairs and extra lbs--ha). The most change in us has happened in the past 14 months, since Mikail passed away. Our smiles are not as carefree--they are now almost plastered on...say cheese. Our eyes don't smile with the same youthful joy and anticipation of what the future will hold for us.

We forever have a sense of grief behind our eyes and our smiles. It's really quite impossible to hide.

I miss those people too. The wonderful people we are getting to know in our new community will never know who we were or see the joy that we had before Mikail died. We are shells of who we were. Yet, once i…

When prayers trump statistics, miracles can happen...

Last June Jason had a simple day surgery where he was put under general anesthesia. It completely freaked me out. 6 months after losing Mikail it felt like Jason might not wake up from the surgery. That something would go drastically wrong. We've had a lot of statistically rare things happen to us in our lifetime and I think I was feeling a bit jaded. Jason wasn't worried. If he didn't wake up to be with me and Olivia, he would be in heaven with Mikail. Not too shabby either way, right?

Tomorrow I go in for a simple day surgery where I am going to be put under general anesthesia and I have that same feeling...that something will go drastically wrong...something that is statistically rare, because statistically rare things happen to us. The thing is, the hope of heaven has never been sweeter and I cannot wait to hold our boy again, yet I know that Mikail is safe and loved there. He knows no sorrow. He does not miss us. He is in complete perfect joy. A thousand days are the …