This is not my home...


On Friday September 18th we made our way to the Parr Family Plot and buried Mikail's remains. It was so special to honour our little boy with tears and laughter, memories, song and prayers.


Introductory prayer (Iris):
God of love and life,
you gave Mikail to us as our son.
Thank you for giving us the assurance
that though he has passed from our sight,
he has not passed from Your care.
Draw near to us in our sadness,
bring blessing out of grief,
and help us in our tears and pain
to know You,  standing alongside us
and to experience Your love and healing.

Devotional (Jason)
He knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. Job 23:10

It's comforting to realize that God knows where we're going because there are times when we clearly don't.  Our circumstances can be very disorienting, even when we think we've followed Him closely. We know where we've been and how we got into our current situation, but we don't know how to proceed. How does this happen?

When we're listening for God's voice and following His lead, He gives us enough to go on, and we follow as best we can.  And when we've done all we can do, we find that sometimes it still isn't enough. God leads us straight into an unknown wilderness and then seemingly leaves us there alone. We cry out for more guidance, wondering where the Lord has gone. Has He abandoned us? Is something wrong with our hearing? Did we follow the wrong path in the first place?  These are the questions we ask, and we think something is wrong.  But it isn't. This is perfectly normal. This is how God works. His seeming silence is a test to refine our faith and define our resolve, to let us experience the mystery of God's ways while clinging to them relentlessly, to see if we will wander in hope or wander in resignation.  He stretches us beyond comfort.  And when the test is over, we will come forth as pure as gold.

Don't give up in the wilderness. God's silence is not abandonment; it's affirmation. I tmeans you were on the right course and now youre in a testing phase.. When God Speaks, follow. And when He doesn't, keep our gaze on Him anyway. He is separating you from dependence on your circumstances and assumptions and turning your only hope toward Him.  Times like these aren't comfortable, but they are good.  They prepare you for deliverance, the direction, and the fulfillment that God is going to give you. 
(pg. 219 of Hearing His Voice by Christ Tiegreen)
 
Sharing (many wonderful memories were shared)

Closing prayer (Jason):
Heavenly Father,
you alone can heal our broken hearts;
you alone can wipe away the tears
      that well up inside us;
you alone can give us the peace we need;
you alone can strengthen us to carry on.
We ask you to be near to us all, whose time of joy
      has been turned into sadness.
Assure us all that with you nothing is wasted
      or incomplete,
and uphold us with your tender love.
Supported by your strength,
may our love for one another be deepened
by the knowledge of your love for us all.
Closing song:


Praise You in this Storm –Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining


As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

  [Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

 
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You


But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away


[Chorus]
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth


As we made our way to the restaurant for dinner, Jason played Mikail's favourite song for me: This Life by Mercy Me. The tears flowed.

 
This is the song Mikail loved to dance to from the time he could sit up on his own and bop his head to the music. It was the song that he insisted on being the first song to play on the ipod when he went to sleep every night. It was the song we had many dance parties to. It is still the song Olivia requests every night at bedtime. 

A few months ago I sat down and really listened to the lyrics. Pretty amazing, if you ask me. A gift for sure: 

This Life - Mercy Me
This is not my home
(this is not my space)
This is not my style
(this is not my place)


Can't get comfortable
(cant get settled in)
Simply don't belong
(can't get used to this)
But I'm here right now
(I can hear you say)


Make the most of Me
(this won't go to waste)
If I'm out of my mind
(yeah it's all for Christ)
If I'm making sense
(then get it right)


Every moment is a chance
To let your light break through


This life (oh oh oh oh)
This life was meant to shine
This life (oh oh oh oh)
This life was meant to shine


I don't have to stall
(I don't have to wait)
  Don't have to bide my time
(till I make my escape)


Cuz heaven's in my heart
(I won't settle for less)
I will lift your name
(by the life I live)


Every moment is a chance
To let your light break through


This life (oh oh oh oh)
This life was meant to shine
This life (oh oh oh oh)
This life was meant to shine


It's in my heart
It's in my soul
I'll live everyday
Just to make you known


Cuz this life
This life was meant to
Meant to shine
Hold your heads up high
This is our moment to rise
We were meant to shine
Not just survive
Hold your heads up high
This is our moment to rise
We were meant to shine
Not just survive


This life (oh oh oh oh)
This life was meant to shine
This life (oh oh oh oh)
This life was meant to shine


It's in my heart
It's in my soul
I'll live everyday
Just to make you known


Cuz this life (oh oh oh oh)
This life was meant to
Meant to shine

It's in my heart
It's in my soul
I'll live everday
Just to make you known


Cuz this life (oh oh oh oh)
This life was meant to
Meant to shine
Oh oh oh oh


We were meant to shine! 
 
What an amazing reminder that this is not our home, but as long as we are here, we are meant to shine. Thanks for reminding me of this every day, Mikail.
 

Comments

  1. Such a beautiful ceremony where Mikails life, although far to short was honoured and his Jesus was glorified. Thank you Iris for sharing. Much love my sister

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