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Showing posts from April, 2015


We have been completely without internet.  Not even data on my phone.  Stealing a few minutes of wifi at the coffee shop.  But we are here and we are breathing, which lately, seems like a lot.
Tomorrow marks three months since Mikail got his angel wings.  The next day we get possession of our house. We should be excited, but we are dreading it. It's all too much. Please continue to hold us up in prayer. 

Linear Grief

Today I wish for linear grief. A definitive beginning and end. Bulleted phases inbetween to check off when completed. I wish we all grieved the same and at the same pace. But we don't. Grief work is messy and unpredictable, ugly and lengthily. The terrain is bumpy with dead ends, u-turns, and traffic lights that send mixed up signals. People keep saying that we will get through this. When? How? I need to know. But there is only silence with a tinge of hope left. That hope is my lifeline.
In my distress I called upon The Lord, to my a God I cried for help. Psalm 18:6
Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourselves in times of trouble?  Psalm 10:1
Do not cast me off, do not forsake me, O God of my salvation. Psalm 27:9
Even David the Psalmist felt like this. There's some comfort in that. Knowing his Psalms of joy follow eventually.

A Holy Friday

Every Christmas, I think about Mary giving birth to Jesus. The holiness of it all. The beauty of how she pondered it all in her heart. I always feel such a connection to her from a mother's point of view. 
This year I, for the first time, feel a special connection to Mary on this Good Friday. Mary, the woman who carried a baby boy in her womb for nine months.  Mary, who went through labour pains, giving birth to that baby boy. Mary who raised a son and had to entrust him into Gods care over and over again. She loved her son. When he was sentenced to die, she remained until the very end, witnessing the suffering and pain her son went through. She stayed and entered into his suffering. Her connection as a mother kept her there. I'm sure it was excruciatingly painful to watch. But she stayed. Her love for her son kept her there. Oh the pain she must have felt. 
Did she beg God to save him? Did she fall to her knees and plead for him to breathe just one more breath? Did she plead fo…