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Showing posts from March, 2015

Jesus Loves Me

I am finding that saying "yes" to some really hard stuff has been extremely healing. 
Jason's 89 year old aunt passed away two weeks ago.  I didn't know her well because we've lived so far away for so long. Uncle Duncan and Aunt Gloria did come to our wedding in Manitoba as well as our wedding reception in Ontario four months later. We exchanged phone calls and snail mail over the years. From time to time they would send books to our kids, or money to purchase books to add to their library. Their love for us and our kids was deeply felt, even across the miles. 
There was no question, we went to the funeral in Ottawa. A beautiful celebration of a life filled with love.  We were able to put our grief on hold to be there and be supportive by being present. It was wonderful to be there.
This past weekend there was a memorial service, reception, and the burial in Aunt Gloria's hometown here in southern Ontario. There was no question...we were going...but this time it…

How are you doing? Part II


We did it! It took a lot of work and a lot of prayer, but we did it with God's help! We bought a house! We got our closing date before May 1st, which is huge since the house we are in right now is being demolished in May. After leaving Alberta in June of 2014, we will finally be home and ready to unpack our moving trailer on April 24th. Ten months later.

We are very excited to finally own a home again. We love that it is big enough to host a lot of guests whether it is just for the day, the night, or a longer period of time. We are very excited that it is so near Lake Huron and that it is on a river where we can dock a boat and head out to the waters of Lake Huron in mere minutes. As with everything that is exciting these days, we look at this new home and the yard and the river and are filled with such sadness. Mikail would have loved this place the most of all of us. He loved to fish and would have spent hours casting and reeling his line in from the banks of the river or from …

Grief Disguised

I am learning that grief has many faces and one of the many faces of grief that stares me right in the eyes today is "grief disguised".

Grief is disguised in Mikail's favourite foods I don't buy at the grocery store anymore. It's disguised in the smaller loads of laundry; in the favourite toys that don't get played with as much anymore; in the Amazon wishlist of items he wished for for his upcoming birthday; in the words of his favourite song. Grief is disguised in the two year old girl and four year old boy holding hands while walking together happily--brother and sister--best friends.

Lately it's the grief disguised that is the most surprising and emotionally draining of all. One day these moments that, right now, feel like an assault on my heart, will be sweet reminders of precious memories shared.

Only One Guy

There are so many beautiful yet heartbreaking moments in this journey of grief with a two year old. I have started writing some of them down so that I don't forget:

Shortly after Mikail's death, we were explaining to Olivia that we were going to go to Cuba. Just Mommy, Daddy, Nana, Papa, and her. To this she looked at us wide-eyed,

"But I'm only one guy. We need two guys. Two guys can play better together."

Oh the heartbreak of losing your brother, best friend, and playmate.

*     *     *
Olivia loves to take paper, stickers and tape and create 'masterpieces' for everyone she knows. Recently she asked if she could make one for Mikail. I told her of course, but she just wouldn't be able to give it to him like she gives her papers to other people. So, off she went to create her masterpiece.  A few minutes later I found her jumping up and down throwing her paper creation into the air. I asked her what she was doing.

"Mommy, it won't go high eno…

Being Real