Depression Part X: Coming out of the Fog
Wow! Have I truly not blogged about depression in over two months? The last time I did, it was about the fog starting to lift but feeling as though it could all crumble at any second. A lot has changed in these past two months. I have found a new groove for the new me. Because, truthfully after depression hits you, you are never the same as before. That doesn't have to be a bad thing. For me it is a great thing. I feel stronger than I was before. I feel more sensitive to those around me than I did before. I feel a sense of self protection for my heart and soul that was there before but even stronger now.
So often since this Post Partum Depression (PPD) journey started I have wondered whether I would ever feel 'normal' again. And what IS normal anyhow? Several strong Mamas who have gone through PPD have said that things WILL get better. That this is just a season. Whatever! That is what I thought in my mind. The black hole I was in seemed like it would never see the light of day. Just as I thought I was seeing that light at the end of the tunnel, my hormones would go on overdrive again and they cycle seemed to start all over.
Regardless, I kept up the hard work of getting better and this past month has been virtually (the new) normal for me. I think I have discribed this feeling of depression like being stuck in a deep crevasee and tyring desperately to climb to the top, get solid footing and walk away from the dangerous cliff's edge and enjoy the view again. I also talked about people sometimes needing a rope (medication) to get to the top of that cliff. A little help to make it easier and less painful. I did need that help and I was blessed to find a medication that worked for me right from the get go. Not everyone is that fortunate, making the journey longer.
Right now I feel like I am at the top of that cliff, on solid ground, walking away from the dangerous edge with no need for that rope any longer. I am still feeling a bit precarious and protective, not wanting to over do it. I don't want to fall down that cliff into that dark crevasse again. The view from up here is beginning to look so beautiful and I am holding on dearly to that which gives me life. For me that has meant a lot of routine and a lot of boundaries. And that's good. That's okay. That's needed for now.
And oh how wonderful it is to know that when things are tough, we are not alone:
Deuteronomy 32:10: In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye.
Psalms 34:17 When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.