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Showing posts from January, 2013

Depression Part VII: Balance (a.k.a. Survival vs. Guilt)

I am struggling with balance in my life right now. Actually I know exactly what a balanced life means for me right now, but the guilt I am feeling for letting some things sit on a shelf right now is overwhelming. Because those 'some things' are good things.

What is making me feel balanced right now is sticking to a routine. It keeps me going and it makes my kids happier because they know what to expect.

Another thing that is making me feel balanced right now is that Jason and I have been 'dating' each other again. It is amazing. Those early dating feelings are back. Who knew!? Awesome! Dating my husband has been helping me feel balanced.

Balance for me is also watching what I eat. very. carefully. Jason and I are both doing this and let me tell you, I am jealous of his 2700 calories he is allowed to eat a day. I am jealous (and incredibly proud) of the 8 lbs he lost last week. I didn't lose a single pound and I didn't even cheat. :( It's the process, right…

Depression Part VI: Hard Work

Something I am quite passionate about on this journey out of Post Partum Depression is that it is HARD WORK. There are healthcare professionals and people I know that believe that Post Partum Depression or any type of Depression is simply an imbalance of hormones or serotonin levels. I agree that this is part of it, but I firmly believe that drugs and the passage of time, alone, does not magically cure depression. At least not for the average person. There are other factors that need to be addressed and those factors are different for everyone. And yes, there are cases where medication for life is the answer. I totally believe that.

If I would solely depend on the medication that my doctor subscribed to me and allow myself to give in to the hopeless feelings depression brings on, I don't think the medication would completely do it's job. The reason I say this is because I have seen people who go on medication and rely on it alone and never get better. It's as though it is …

Depression Part V: Just Get Over It

I keep telling myself: Just get over it, Iris!!

I wish it were that easy. I have this inner voice that keeps telling me that I am stronger than this. I should just get over it.

Having struggled with a different form of depression before, I know in my head that you can't just get over it magically and it has nothing to do with strength. If it has anything to do with strength it's not that you're weak, it's that you've been trying to be strong for so long.

If you're wondering what some signs of Post Partum Depression (PPD) are (and most of these hold true for other forms of depression as well), these are some things that come to my mind from personal experience and from becoming more educated on the subject:

You may feel:
guilty and ready to blame yourself for everythingexhausted and lacking in motivationunable to enjoy yourselftrapped in your liferejectedirritabletearfullonely If you have PPD, you may also suffer from:
panic attacks that cause a rapid heartbeat, …